The first happiness' known were known by she, Squirt. A vibrantly radiant 6 year old girl.
She, and her teddybear, Choc., (a cholcolate brown teddybear) live and love inside the mind, and outside in the real world as well. After the baby girl was whisked off to rock island, many unhappy things happened to the small child. Horror filled memories must live in one place, and the happy
ones as well. Squirt, a TRP, has known the childs laugh, the childs play of childhood. Squirt is
protectd, although in a different way.
While all the craziness was happening she sent to visit with Precious on Rock Island. Squirt does
not know the close bond she indeed has with Precious. Just that for now, she is visits the sweetest person in the world.
During the 38th year attempts were made at recovery. A center, deemed superior in the treatment of Dissoctiative Identity Disorder, (DID) formerly Multiple Personality, (MPD)
With the greatest of hope we went there. To find a mismanaged facility. A veritable chaos of
women who, having just learned of their past, and present DID/MPD were swimming in lost time, and self harm. This place was unlike the safe place found in 1991.
The mismanagement and the seemingly inability of the center to give quality care raised an
environment that was neither condusive to inner healing, or safe to the outside person.
Squirt was located in 1991. At this time, in a safe center, in a safe place she "popped-out" to a waiting chocolate ice cream. The adult body that houses a 6 year old nosed face down
into the awaiting ice cream cone. Many other Lils, as they are called with much love began to "come out", some to waiting coloring books and crayons, some to stories being told by a caring story
With the rav reviews given about the Mangauze center in Dallas, Texas, Bill spared no expense to drive his Precious to this place. The insiders, some expectant, some with fear went with Bill, her
Billy to Texas. The center was not as expected.
At one event the body was attacked by another patient. The horribly understaffed facility was
unable to stop the attack. The body became injured. The security team, (the one inside) after
trying every other option at the body's safety discharged from the facility. After checking into a
nearby inn, the center's administration called to check on her. They promised roses.
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Roses that would be found later to be only made of paper. She had them call Bill, who by now
was panic stricken and feeling helpless. The woman, the women he loved 2000 miles away.
Bill would recieve all the false promises from the administrators, be an outside hearing post.
The crazy outside world became deemed as UNSAFE for Squirt, and she was taken by the hand
by PJ, a small case and her bear, Choc to Rock Island. For a visit she was told. For a visit with
1963. A trip to the beach. The brother, Kirk took the little sister to Santa Cruz Beach and
Boardwalk. She had so much fun. Ice cream! Rides! A roller coaster! The roller coaster was scarey but sitting next to her big brother, 14 years older than she, she felt safe. Her brother called her
Squirt, she thought, "just like the soda!", And that became her name. Her big brother often
brought her soda. A friend of her dads always left ice cream in the freezer. In December, 1964, her dads friend, Mr. Dave brought what seemed to her an unending number of Little Golden Story books.
At the young age of "just 4" she began reading and believing in happy stories, the delights of ice
cream and soda. The world Squirt sees is a wonderful world. A world full of surprise. A world full of fun and where fairies live. Where 'Puff the Magic Dragon' still lives by the sea. Squirt has the
happy memories. The ice cream man. The mother who held her. The father who was not home,
ever. The small amount of happiness found in the first six years.
The baby sleeps. The toddler, the baby, Four. These 3 children are cared for by Rabbit. Squirt is a "pop-out" from Four, and from 4. As the old happy memories, along with the horror, and sad
ones must live. They live inside different people. The Bigs and the Lils.